Enjoy Playing Dick Cheneys Texas Takedown
Have you ever stumbled upon a video game where you actually play as a former U.S. vice president hunting down terrorists on his home turf? That’s the pitch behind “Dick Cheney’s Texas Takedown,” a cheaply made third-person shooter that hit shelves back in 2003. You suit up as Dick Cheney—yes, that Dick Cheney—and your mission is to comb through dust-bowl towns, oil fields, and even a seedy bar or two, shooting bad guys and defusing bombs. The whole thing has a tongue-in-cheek vibe, from the one-liners you blurt between firefights to the over-the-top boss encounters.
Playing feels like raiding an old bargain-bin bin at your local electronics store. You’ve got a small arsenal—pistols, shotguns, assault rifles—and a handful of gadgets that feel a bit half-baked, like heat-seeking rockets that are more likely to crash into nearby buildings than target enemies. Levels are pretty linear: go from checkpoint A to B, clear out the baddies, grab more ammo. There’s minimal cover mechanics and the AI isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, but it kind of adds to the game’s “so awful it’s amusing” charm.
Critics didn’t exactly shower this game with praise; most reviews pointed out clunky controls, repetitive levels, and graphics that even back in 2003 looked dated. But fans of kitschy B-movie action found delight in the sheer absurdity of the concept. Between the political satire and goofy voice clips—Cheney muttering stuff like “We make war so we don’t have to make peace.”—it carved out a small cult following among curious gamers who appreciate a little bewildering schlock.
All in all, “Dick Cheney’s Texas Takedown” isn’t going to win any awards for gameplay innovation or visual flair, but it remains one of the more curious relics of early-2000s pop-culture tie-ins. If you’re ever in the mood for something completely off-the-wall—where real-world politics collide with low-budget shooter tropes—this game is a time capsule worth opening, even if it’s only to shake your head at just how wild videogame concepts got back then.